Mikayla.Rose316

This is about my confirmation.

It was Saturday the 15th. All us candidates and the few catechumens were having our last RCIA meeting that morning, having breakfast and meditating on what we were about to go through. We did our practice run with Father and had a 4 hour gap of free time before we had to be back at church at 7pm for the big moment we've been working towards since August. I was so nervous and excited during that gap period. I was giggling to myself, feeling emotional at some points and crying. I was trying to find a good dress to wear that made me comfortable but made me look decent (which is hard because I'm so weird about dresses because I feel naked in them, and being at church feeling naked is just weird) for this new marriage! Only one friend I invited showed up, it hurt a little that no one else came, but it felt perfect after I was in the situation. It wasn't like I really wanted a lot of people there anyways. The fact that I was being confirmed with one of my best friends in the whole world made it all for the best. I was me 100% and didn't feel awkward or pressured to talk to a lot of people. I didn't feel like I was making a bad decision. I was supported 100%.

The service was super long, like 3hrs or so, but it honestly didn't feel that bad. My body did hurt by the end of it, but it was mostly from playing volleyball the day before. I felt so happy the whole time. And where I usually felt confused and lost I found I was doing it with no problem. During the moment I was being anointed I felt so pleased to have that oil on me. I felt like I just made the best decision of my life, because I did. It was kinda like being given a sword and told I have finished my training and I can now go off on my adventure. While I stood up there I had this overwhelming sense of clarity too. Like I knew what I needed to do. Friends I needed to keep vs friends I should distance myself from, things I need to fix and all that. And the best part is I have this new sense of reason. Like I've lost all justification for all things sinful. Does that make sense?

I've been following Jesus for a long time, but now I'm finally in pace beside Him. I don't want to do anything bad. That sounds weird to say, because bad can be so many things in different POVs, but I want to feel worthy to take part in the Eucharist every mass I attend and not feel like I'm falling away, because this is where I want to be. With God.

"Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me." Psalms 51:10