My Journey
I'm you're average southerner with a belief that God does, in fact, exist. Whether you believe he does or not, feel free to read my journey to my faith today. or click HERE to read my first blog!
I grew up in a southern Baptist church. Practically lived there when I was younger. A lot of my memories from when I was younger are associated with this church. It was a larger church, filled with a lot of rich families and what not. As a kid, this didn't affect me, I just ran around with my cousin and ate the delicious food and attended lessons about Noah's Ark and all those lovely stories.
Even as young as I was I understood the concept of God and who he was and why Jesus was so important. I was maybe 4 at the time when the real question came in my mind. You know...the one most people wonder about...Where did God come from?
Yep, I was that kid. The one that makes the Bible School teacher contort her face as she comes up with some answer that might satisfy my 4 year old mind when I asked, "Who are God's parents? Does he have a mom or dad?"
"No, He is all. He doesn't need a mom or dad."
"Oh. Then where did He come from?"
I saw her get stern, "God has always been. He doesn't need a mom or dad. Because he is everything."
I'm pretty sure I heard another kid chime in "So He's is own mom and dad" but I was to lost in thought at this time, trying to perceive how this being...or this...how did He come to be if in the beginning there was nothing? Like...did He just form? Was He lonely?
The end of the lesson was "Jesus is the way to Heaven, and the only way to go to Heaven is to ask Jesus into your heart."
Well, I certainly didn't want to go to Hell. I also couldn't imagine how bad Hell must be if God won't even go. Especially if He is everything. I decided I definitely wanted to be with God, and most definitely not without Him. I wanted Him to love me and never forget me. I wanted to be on His good side.
I remember crying as I was walking to lunch in the breeze way. One of the teachers squatted down and asked why I was crying. "I don't want to go to hell," I told her. She told me to just ask Jesus into my heart and be good and I would go to Heaven. So I prayed deeply for Jesus to enter my heart. And I asked everyday for awhile just to be sure.
I know what you're thinking, how on earth do I remember that day so clearly? How did me at 4 understand what I was doing? Well, I did. And that's all there is to it.
I grew out of church the older I got, occasionally going to a baptist church down the road for vacation bible school. I attended a small neighborhood story time with a Pentecostal lady. She was the sweetest. Her and her husband would teach us songs and parables. Eventually I began going to her church on Sundays. I attended a few events here and there and wished to be more involved, only...I never felt like it was my place to be there.
I finally went to a church with a friend from school. A non-denominational church. I fell in love here, I felt right here. That was my church. Although, I only attended on Wednesdays. I wasn't much of a church person still, and I prayed very often on my own. I had a great relationship with God. I read my Bible often enough. I followed the commandments the best I could. I just didn't like going on Sundays. I began noticing a lot of backhanded concerns about my faith. From a lot of people because I didn't attend church often enough, so must not have a strong relationship with God.
I didn't bother caring because I knew where I was going and I knew where I was with God.
Eventually that friend and I changed churches, and again, I only attended Wednesdays. I felt a deeper urge now to become involved with church again. I tried to do something with the church band, but ultimately I found I didn't really like the people or the atmosphere of the church. I stopped going.
Got baptized at a Pentecostal church, and called it quits. Not on God. Just on a church to attend.
It had been years since I went to church since then. I made time to watch videos of worship services and motivational Godly videos to keep me intact. I always had a feeling I belonged somewhere but I couldn't figure out where. I didn't know much outside of Baptist, Pentecostal, and non-denominational.
At work I met a boy who was Catholic. I didn't know much about Catholicism at this point, other than they worship Mary and stuff. So I just sorta made silly jokes at him. Most of my friends at this point were agnostic or didn't believe in God at all, so I did find comfort in him being Christian. One night over drinks we talked about what being Catholic really is. I found out that they did not worship Mary and all the other little rumors, were just that, rumors. I was really intrigued and it seemed ideal. I grew more and more curious. He invited me to a Mass and that's when I felt what I hadn't felt in any church before...at home. Not at the physical building, but I felt the presence of God with all of them. I could hear it, smell it. It felt like love at first sight. I'm not saying God isn't with the other churches, but that I felt Him here the most for me. My experience felt strong here.
it wasn't soon afterward that my best guy friend told me he had just signed up for RCIA classes to become Catholic. Neither of us had discussed our interest in Catholicism to each other until this point. He happened to sign up the day before classes started, so I was able to sign up just in time too. 8 months later, we are well educated in Catholicism and about to be confirmed into the Catholic Church. I've learned so much I never knew. I finally found my home with God. Like all this time I needed to be here. Everything I ever believed lined up perfectly. I couldn't believe it. My mind is still blown. I actually want to go to church on Sundays. I want to go everyday really. I would if I could!
We get confirmed on Easter Sunday! I'm so excited to finally be able to take communion!
I think we all belong somewhere with God. And whatever gets you there, keeps you there, and makes you feel close to Him, then you found your home. I finally found my home. Only took my 23 years. Hehe.
"'You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,' declares the LORD, 'and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.'" Jeremiah 29:13-14
