The other day I was playing at the Tech rec center with a couple of friends. Friends who happen to be way more athletic than me. I never grew up playing much sports, other than in P.E. against other kids who were not interested or good enough for sports. I was always the best in me P.E. class because my endurance has always been really high and I have a lot of self motivation. I enjoy being active and staying active. I can't stand days just sitting around doing nothing but eating ice cream and watch Gilmore Girls. Not that that's a bad night...it's just not my preferred night. Actually, that Saturday was exactly the kind of day I would like to have all the time. That was a perfect day for me. I never stopped moving and I was so distracted by the amount of activity that I forgot I'm OCD and that I hadn't eaten all day.
See, I was playing with two people who have had experience in sports and games before. I never had opportunities to be involved in things like this. My friends were mostly art students or bandees. In other words...video games, paint, and instruments, with the occasional skating mixed in. So...sports...I didn't play very much of unless I was at slumber parties with the athletic friends.
In short...I lost every game. I still had a ton of fun just playing. I wasn't concerned so much with how well I was doing more than I was with having a good time with it.
After I got home, I was hit with the sudden down of adrenaline. You know, after you had a rush and you get that down afterwards...I realized I wasn't exactly someone people wanted to play with because I didn't provide a challenge. I wasn't bad, but I definitely wasn't that good. I caught on fast, and I could have some real potential with some practice.But the initial feeling of being that person no one wants to play with because I sucked made me cry. It's so embarrassing being that friend.
How do I get better? My town doesn't provide entertainment like that unless I paid ULM or Tech again. I don't have the money for that though. And am I really that bad, because I thought I did well for someone who hadn't ever been athletic.
I spent the night thinking of the things I am good at. I could name a hundred things that I'm good at, but never one I was GREAT at. And why is that? Why am I not great at anything? Why am I just good enough? Why am I ok with being just good enough? Where am I hiding this potential?

The best thing I can do is not let being just enough bother me and to remember that I had a lot of fun with a couple of really great friends who were willing to help me become better. Even though I don't see my own potential going anywhere doesn't mean it isn't. And surely there are many things I'm great at, it's just my inner perfectionist telling me I'm never good enough.

If anyone is feeling a little down about themselves, like they aren't good enough, I need you to know that we are our own worst critics. And after writing this, I think one thing I'm really great with is staying positive. And that gives me an idea for another blog! Bahaha!

-only I'm supposed to be writing a paper.... tehe

(one post a week...psh...I've already done 3 in 24hrs)